Mary L. Wagner
Mary L. Wagner...Mary L. Wagner...Mary L. Wagner...
I have written (and practiced) that signature many times as a teenager. I was reminded of my errant ways when I ran into a friend and former Remsen neighbor last night. Back in the day, Jim had the distinction of having a dad as mayor and a mom who served as high school secretary. As I asked Jim about his parents, I could picture his mother looking at me as I would hand over my fictitiously signed notes from home.
"Sandy has my permission to leave school at 2:00 today for an orthodontist appointment. Sincerely, Mary L. Wagner" was a common note. Very common. In fact more common than the actual ortho appointments.
Senior skip days, sunny day plans for hanging out at the sand pit...all perfect opportunities for an alleged appointment to escape end-of-the-day study hall and algebra. Sr. Margretta believed in self-study and didn't teach her math class anyway. In my high school mind, I caused no harm.
Audrey Matgen was simply doing her job as secretary as she took my notes from home. But she knew my scam. No doubt about that. Her look said it all. Audrey knew Mary L. Wagner had no clue that a note was being submitted to the school with her signature. She saw through my forgery but never ratted me out. She just took the note and gave me a stern look in return.
I feel dirty telling my stories of falsification and deceit, but it's time to come clean. The pinnacle of my forgeries is a classic tale for the Class of 85. It involved the St. Mary's cheerleaders and a purported cheerleading camp at Lake Okoboji. In the days pre-computer, I used a typewriter to create parental authorization sheets for this made-up cheerleading camp.
After I painstakingly typed the individual forms for the cheerleaders, we each gathered our parental consent. This time, the signature for mine was an authentic Mary L. Wagner. It was the form that was the fraud. They must have been well drafted, as our parents gave us no pushback. Instead, we received spending money and a signed authorization.
Word got out to both high schools of our shenanigans. Teens came in droves to Okoboji that weekend. Some for the day and others with added manipulation of tales of overnighters at each other’s homes. It was a huge party at Fillenwarth Beach. Lora was resourceful in securing a cabin with her parents’ credit card. That feat earned her the only backlash from our juvenile delinquent ways.
Note that we did indeed cheer in our swimsuits on the beach many times that weekend so not to be considered complete frauds. After returning home that Sunday night (extremely exhausted but nicely tanned), my mom asked me how cheer camp went. I told her the obligatory "great" and went straight to bed.
I confessed my wayward ways to Mom some time back, including the fictitious cheer camp. Her response…
"You don't need to tell me more stories like these. I'd rather not know."
So noted.
