Family

Reunions.

Reuniting. Being there. For each other. With each other.

That was the tagline for my three sons this past week. A roller coaster of a week that started with their Grandpa Russ Lane being put into hospice care and then ending with them flying back for his Omaha funeral. In the days in between, the Lane brothers (Zach, Ben, Grant) took planes, trains, and automobiles cross country to attend my family reunion in Arizona.

From the Southwest to the Midwest, they reunited with their extended families on both sides to celebrate family, in life and in death.

My boys and I haven't been all together in three years. COVID and living in different cities played a big role in this delay. But life also got in the way. Back in the day, trips and time together were easier to navigate. We were living the simple life but didn’t even know it. These were the years of coordinating the boys’ sports and school calendars with my end of tax season in trip planning. Now the Lane boys are adulting with work, dogs, and relationship responsibilities taking precedent over our family trips.

We share our daily lives with each other virtually, but sharing laughs and moments of fun are best in presence and the present. Hugs and being present can’t be duplicated on FaceTime calls.

I have the joy of coming from a close family, both with my immediate family and with my extended family. My mom is the oldest of nine, the children of Elmer and Marvel Pick. Grandma and Grandpa Pick passed away in 2000. Their family has continued to gather for bi-annual gatherings for the twenty years that have followed. At the close of each family reunion, the siblings in attendance vote on the next destination and date.

The last reunion was in San Antonio the week before COVID shutdown the country in March of 2020. That year over half of the family canceled their flights at the last minute. For the few of us who made it, we barely made it home. We were all looking forward to gathering back together in 2022. It was decided that this reunion would be close to my mom, within driving distance from her home in Kingman, Arizona. Greatly looking forward to this time with my family, I made it a priority to have all three of my sons there as well. A win-win having time with them and time celebrating the Pick family.

Days before this much-anticipated family reunion I got a call from the Scott, the boys’ dad and my ex-husband. His dad was dying. Scott encouraged us to keep our plan in place. Scott was a part of my family for over twenty years. Although we are no longer together, we both played big parts in each other's families.

I often say that I was raised into my young adulthood by Russ and Cookie Lane. We will always be family. I know Scott feels this way about my family as well.

As the Lane family started to gather in Omaha by Russ, the Lane boys started checking-in for their flights to Las Vegas, which would then be a drive to the Pick Reunion in Lake Havasu City. The plan was for me to make the trip by car, picking them up at the airport, spending a night in Vegas, and then driving to Lake Havasu for the three-day family reunion.

Then life continued to throw us curve balls. I was in a severe winter storm warning with no route feasible or safe to drive to Vegas. Two of the three boys’ flights were canceled. But somehow, someway, we were able to get new flights for the cancelations and a miraculous change in a forecast of snow to a sunny and safe driving day for me. We all made it to Vegas just in time to receive a phone call that Grandpa Russ Lane had passed away with all of his kids by his side.

It is hard to imagine life without Russ Lane in it. He was one of the kindest, sweetest men I have ever known. He embodied kind before kind was cool and plastered all over t-shirts. Never quick to anger, but instead quick to care, Russ would break the ice in the most stressful of situations with a quirky joke and a smile.

My last trip back to Omaha was in September. I visited Russ and Cookie Lane with my aunt, Joan Pick. We enjoyed an afternoon of conversation and talking about the many fun memories we have shared together. With all three of them aging and with varying health issues, a thought lingered on my mind with our parting hugs.

This could very likely be my last good-bye to one of them. And although Aunt Joan and Cookie’s ailments were more noticeable those months ago, it was ultimately Russ who I would not see again. With a squeeze, he addressed me in the same way he typically had all these years we have known each other.

“Bye, San. Thanks for stopping by, little lady.”

Life is so fragile. This is becoming more evident to me as my family (and me) continues to age. No longer with a stressful job or kids’ calendars to juggle, my life has turned to a slow-motion setting, with the past and the future coming together like frames in the moving camera reel.

We did have amazing weekend with our Pick aunts, uncles, cousins under the Arizona sunny skies. We gathered to share life together, laughing over memories and making new ones, just as Russ would have wanted us to do.

As the funeral plans started to materialize, it was evident that I wouldn’t make it back. Logistically it wasn’t going to work for me. But it was the boys, Russ’ grandkids, whose presence mattered, not mine. It was my job was to get them on the plane to Omaha.

We had a day in Vegas before the boys were to take off. It always amazes me how well the three of them get along given their age spread (seven years from oldest to youngest) and their differences in zip codes over the last five or so years. Yet each Lane boy seems to always know what the other two are doing daily. If I can’t get a hold of one, I just call one of the other two.

“Yeah, he’s fine, Mom. I just talked to him a little bit ago.” A typical response when I can’t track someone down. Thick as thieves and always having each other’s backs, I know better than to ‘fish’ around for detailed info on the others. None will give out a brother’s secret. I gave up on this form of interrogation a long time ago.

I am very close to my own brothers as well. A memory that flashed back to me was when I was in high school and arguing with my brother, Matt. We were shouting at each other with our exasperated mother finally begging us to stop. She ended up crying, muttering to herself more than us, “You kids will never speak to each other once you graduate and move out.” We proved her wrong. My brothers are my closest friends to this day.

My boys have not let me down either. It is one of the things in life that brings me great joy. I love their bond. Nothing makes me smile more than being a part of a group text with the three of them. Their antidotes are filled with life sharing and jokes, showing the quirkiness of each of their personalities.

Reflecting on their emotional roller coaster of their week, I was so glad they were together. They had each other. With divorced parents, their childhood didn’t always include me. And it didn’t always include their dad. But the three of them remaind intact. Bouncing back and forth between two homes is a norm for children of divorced parents. This led me to ask them if this was the reason behind their bond.

“Are you three so close because of the divorce?” I asked as we were sharing some car time together. Ben didn’t hesitate in his answer.

“Honestly, Mom, I think it’s more because video games.”

The other two brothers quickly agreed. This was not the deep answer I expected but it also brought to light how they always knew what the other was doing. Extended virtual video gaming does require a lot of time together.

They made it back to Omaha with no issues with canceled flights this time. They made it in plenty of time for their grandpa’s wake and funeral. I was able to drive to my parents and spend time with them and my oldest brother. We were able to decompress post-reunion in Arizona while the Lane’s gathered their own family together in Nebraska.

Social media posts, calls, and text messages provided me some details of the Lane family unity as the celebrated the life of their dad and grandpa. Russ and Cookie Lane had 9 children, 31 grandchildren, and 12 great-grandchildren. And this family is tight. From the siblings to the many cousins, they exude family love and togetherness, through thick and thin.

Upon further reflection, I think I was short-sighted in thinking the divorce was the root of the boys’ closeness. And although video games keep them connected, this is just a means but not the reason.

The reality is that the closeness of family and the tight bond of siblings is all they have known. It comes so naturally to them that they don't know how life would look any other way.

Their grandparents were the role models in their world. They led by example in always putting family and each other first.

We will miss Russ terribly, but he has taught his family well. It is wonderful to see his kindness and love pass on with his legacy, his greatest treasure of family.

Some pics for Lake Havasu Pick Family Reunion.

Mom and I show off reunion t-shirt. Eight of Nine Pick siblings made the reunion (my mom is oldest at far left and rest are in age order). There was a lot of clowning around with the Lane boys.